Loss of sexual desire is a concern many women talk with me about, and yet a satisfying sex life is often something that falls to the very bottom of the priority list.
We become parents, get older, we go through a divorce or breakup, get a new job—or sometimes all of the above!
There are many, many reasons that sex can take a backseat in our lives—but the truth is, a healthy libido and sexual desire are just as much a part of your physical and mental wellbeing as a healthy diet and exercise.
So if you want to put some spice back in your bedroom, there’s one thing you should do first:
Hone in on your hormones.
Your body’s chemical balance is the most common trigger of low libido, but thankfully imbalances can be caused—and solved—by many things.
So while I always recommend to get your hormones tested with an integrative physician, there are some simple changes you can make at home to support a healthy hormone balance and sexual desire. First, let’s find out how your hormones can impact your libido.
How do my hormones affect my sexual drive?
First of all, a quick review: The sex hormones, estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone for women, and testosterone and DHEA have been signaling reproductive cycles since long before we evolved into an upright species.
Today, however, we have the luxury of enjoying an intimate sexual life far beyond the confines of creating children, but your biological body hasn’t necessarily gotten the message.
Even in the most balanced and optimal state, as you age your hormones begin to change and fluctuate. Pregnancy, post-pregnancy, menstrual cycles, perimenopause, menopause, and post-menopause all influence a woman’s sex hormones—we females don’t get a lot of rest in this department—it’s just a part of our lives.
Women, and men too, have hormones that fluctuate due to various life stages, stressors, lack of sleep, and so on. These don’t necessarily have to be the sex hormones. Your body chemistry is complex and unique, and any hormone or gland imbalance in your body can set off a domino effect that can have you feeling less than frisky for multiple reasons.
What’s the fastest way to get in the mood?
Let’s get to the point. You want to get in the mood fast? Remember, what turns on one person, might not light another’s fire—so know your partner and yourself. And keep in mind the idea of “fast” is a relative term depending on the person. Many women require 15 to 20 minutes of warm-up time, followed by at least another 15 minutes to reach climax.
Men tend to respond quickly to physical advances, but women can often crave something different. That said, here are my favorite tricks and tips for an evening of loving with your special person:
Mood Magic: Date nights and surprise gifts? Sure.
Kissing and snuggling? That’s okay too.
Taking out the trash and picking up your socks? Definitely!
Feeling loved and supported in ways that actually matter to you is crucial, and sometimes that looks like making sure your spouse’s responsibilities are settled so that he/she can focus on being intimate.
Don’t forget the foreplay fellas—and ladies too. For your night of romance, be sure to set aside any pet peeves. Get that babysitter, reserve a romantic hotel suite, and shut the outside world out. Distractions of daily life can be one of the fastest ways to fizzle out your mojo, so make a peace pact with your partner for this one special night.
And don’t be surprised if taking one night for love leads to another—and another. Your actions can influence your feelings, and vice versa.
Light up your libido. Deep, dark maroon colors may be too heat inducing and stimulating for 24/7 display in your bedroom, but a luscious burgundy velvet throw or comforter and hello! Ditto for wine-colored candles and red roses. You can add some matching lingerie for a hard-to-miss red-hot signal to your partner that says you are in the mood.
Smell the romance: Scents including cinnamon, bergamot, cedarwood, chocolate, rose, patchouli, ylang ylang, and sandalwood are all aromas that can make you feel warm and cozy. Research on aromatherapy shows that it can calm, balance, and enhance your moods.
Eat for love: Chocolate, red wine and oysters? Are these true aphrodisiacs? Antioxidants, polyphenols and Omega-3 are probably the real key ingredients here, but don’t underestimate the power of suggestion. These foods can be especially influential if you and your partner associate them with love and sex.
Balance Your Hormones: Unbalanced hormones can throw off your chemistry, impeding and slowing down your ability to get in the mood. If you’re looking to achieve hormone balance, I’ve created Hormone Helper and use with thousands of my patients. Here are just some of the benefits:
- Maca root: This can naturally aid in a myriad of hormone issues from PMS to hot flashes by supporting healthy levels of estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone.
- Myoinositol: Studies have shown this can help with lowering high testosterone levels and choline to promote healthy thyroid balance and more.
This means you get the mo0d-boosting and healthy sexual desire of your hormones, without feeling crabby, or like you’re riding a rollercoaster!
Get my Hormone Helper here.