How to Warm Up Your Mood & Libido During Menopause
People tend to assume the worst about menopause. And while it’s true that symptoms like low energy, libido, or a sex drive gone MIA can be a part of aging, they’re not inevitable—and aren’t the case for many women. Despite these common cultural myths, most women don’t want a midlife that is totally sexless, and why should they!
Many women over 40 say a satisfying sex life is still incredibly important. With this in mind, if you’re nearing menopause (or perimenopause), it’s crucial to be aware that these years bring about a lot of change—from vaginal dryness to low libido—that can make sex a little more challenging than you’re used to. And while no one’s experience is exactly the same, you can make room for a healthy sex life while normalizing the conversation around sex after menopause. Let’s talk about the tools you need to feel satisfied in your own way, and help everyone feel less alone!
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Sex after hormone changes: What women want
Let’s be honest, if getting intimate is downright uncomfortable or you’re just not feeling that same level of fiery desire, sex & getting intimate is (understandably) going to sound a lot less attractive.
And not that we needed confirmation of that fact, but many studies have shown that the way women value sex is highly associated with sexual function (1).
Vaginal dryness, which can lead to painful sex, and a decrease of estrogen levels, which can decrease libido, are two common menopause symptoms that have led to this belief that women in midlife simply don’t want sex. But when we remove these two barriers, this assumption is simply not true.
Related: 10 (Natural!) Ways to Get Rid of Menopausal Hot Flashes
Comfortable sex & greater desire
As estrogen declines after menopause, vaginal walls become less elastic, and lubrication decreases. At best, this makes sex after menopause uncomfortable, and at worst it can cause pain and sometimes bleeding or infections.
So often the first hurdle is figuring out how to remedy the lubrication aspect to get things back to feeling more pleasurable. Fortunately, there are a few possible remedies that may work for you. To start, finding a high-quality silicone-based lubricant can be a game changer, as well as open and honest communication with your partner.
Then, if you need a little extra support, consider consulting with a qualified holistic practitioner about hormone support, like:
- DHEA can be beneficial if you experience pain during sex. It can improve vaginal dryness, increase lubrication, and support the health of pelvic floor muscles (2). DHEA is a precursor hormone made by your adrenal glands that is then converted to other hormones like estrogen or testosterone. I strongly encourage you to get your hormone levels tested before beginning any kind of hormone therapy, as this will help you understand what your body really needs.
- Maca root, which appears to be most beneficial for menopausal or postmenopausal women who want to support a healthy libido. In one study, postmenopausal women found that 3.5 grams per day of maca powder lowered measures of sexual dysfunction, and decreased anxiety and depression symptoms after 6 weeks of use (3). Maca also has the ability to improve sexual desire in some people (4).
If intimacy with yourself or a partner is affected by vaginal dryness, communication, patience, lots of foreplay, and the right lube are game-changers. If you need added support, consider reaching out to a qualified holistic practitioner or a pelvic floor physical therapist.
Related: Perimenopause Signs + Symptoms (Tips to Find Relief!)
More freedom equals more desire
For much of a woman’s life, we’re operating inside of a tight structure—one that’s dictated by careers, kids, partners, and the various other expectations of society. And during this time we can forget what expressive love and desire really feel like. With menopause, much of this pressure from external sources is no longer a part of your life.
Many women say they feel free to be more expressive, creative, and rediscover their own wants and desires.
This is why women of all ages tend to have a spike in libido when they start a new relationship.
As you might’ve guessed, there’s a lot that can influence your desire for getting close with a partner, including your energy levels that day, any stress you might be dealing with—right down to things like caring for children and running a household.
Before we talk about how to have better sex after menopause, it’s important to understand how your hormones are changing, and how getting them back into balance can help your libido, arousal, and comfort during sex.
Boost libido naturally during & after menopause
In your 40s or early 50s, hormones begin to gradually shift before you reach menopause—this is a transition known as perimenopause.
During perimenopause, progesterone declines, which is the shift responsible for a lot of the more undesirable symptoms of menopause like irritability, sleeplessness, and trouble reaching climax during sex. You might also notice you’re just not as into your partner.
However, you’re not a bystander in this process, and there are plenty of things you can implement that will not only bring more satisfaction to your sex life after midlife, but provide greater wellbeing for the rest of your life, too.
Address your stress
Chronic stress spells trouble for your hormones, including the ones that control desire (and make sex enjoyable). Untreated chronic stress may even put you into premature ovarian failure if you’re not already experiencing perimenopause or menopause.
Nourish your adrenal glands with a nutrient-dense diet, plenty of B vitamins, magnesium, and consider adaptogenic herbs like maca, ashwagandha, or rhodiola.
Avoid xenoestrogens
While progesterone can drop to near zero after menopause, you still have circulating estrogens. And in addition to being exposed to environmental estrogens, this can cause a troublesome hormone imbalance known as estrogen dominance.
It’s important to decrease exposure to xenoestrogens and endocrine disruptors in your home.
Try these: The 8 Best Foods to Reduce Estrogen Dominance
Eat more pineapple
Systemic inflammation can interfere with almost everything in the body, and that includes a healthy sex drive. Add foods with natural anti-inflammatory tendencies to support healthy hormones and increase circulation to the pelvis. These include pineapple, papaya, blueberries, ginger, and turmeric.
Avoid Alcohol
While you might think alcohol will help you get in the mood, it actually does the exact opposite after menopause—making it harder for your brain to communicate arousal signals to your body. With this in mind, indulge in moderation!
Eat Plenty of Healthy Fats
Your adrenal glands need plenty of healthy fats to produce hormones like DHEA, testosterone, estrogen and others. Without enough healthy fats in your diet, your adrenal glands can’t function properly and this can spell trouble for your sex drive and symptoms like vaginal dryness and comfort during sex.
Don’t Over-Exercise
If your exercise routine is leaving you exhausted, and it takes multiple days to recover, your workout is likely tanking your energy, hormones, and therefore your libido.
This phase of life isn’t about pushing harder or burning more calories—and in fact, this mentality is often detrimental to women of any age.
Other Things to Keep in Mind
Medications such as blood pressure pills, diabetes medications, antidepressants and SSRIs, plus others can have a significant impact on your libido and can worsen symptoms of vaginal dryness.
Having Better Sex After Menopause
While there are some people who will insist that not having sexual desire after menopause is “normal,” rest assured that a healthy sexual energy and libido are very important to women’s health at any age.
Better sex after menopause is possible by supporting your body during its transition, and properly caring for your adrenals after you reach menopause. Keeping stress to a minimum, eating a nutrient-dense diet, and working with an integrative medicine doctor to balance your hormones is the formula for a satisfying and enjoyable sex life after menopause.
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